The Role of Self-Doubt in Your Creative Awakening
As I write this blog entry, I’m sitting in one of my favourite coffee shops in Edinburgh, surrounded by my artwork. I had the joy of installing my work last week as part of my first solo exhibition in the UK. My heart beats fast even just thinking about it! The opening was just 4 days ago and I’m still processing the wonderful response to my work.
Flashback to 2014, I recall sitting on a balcony in Gardens, Cape Town. I was 30 and had just bought my first small 20 x 20 cm canvas, some paint and a brush. I bought this on a whim, compelled by the drive to express my inner creative longing. I had not yet attended any art classes and had no experience painting or drawing. I remember thinking: “What am I doing? This is silly.”
The drive to express my creativity never left me. It was a constant undercurrent, tugging at me at night.
Later that year, I signed up for my first art class at Art B in Bellville. It was an evening class that I attended each Wednesday night while working at an Occupational Therapy practice during the day. I learned about new words like ‘composition’ and ‘tone’. It was a wonderful class for beginners. The encouraging and supportive environment fueled my artistic curiosity.
In Glasgow, I attended my first life drawing session at All The Young Nudes. I went to museums to learn more about art history. This led to even more exploring, curating my own training through short courses, online content and mentors.
Looking back, it was a culmination of small steps that led me to this place, not one big event. That person on the balcony in 2014 would never have fathomed a solo art exhibition in Edinburgh! This year marks my 40th birthday and in some way, my creative journey is just getting started.
When you scroll on social media, it is so easy to compare yourself to others who seem to have ‘made it’ and have ‘figured it out’. It’s easy and fun to share the ‘wins’ on social media. What we don’t share are the moments of self-doubt and criticism. We struggle to share the failed attempts and the not-so-perfect results.
Coaching played a role in navigating my creative journey. Alongside a dedicated thinking partner, I was able to uncover some of the limiting beliefs that sometimes prevent me from acting, as well as the behavioural patterns that keep me stuck. Identifying what is important to me enabled me to prioritise time and resources for creative pursuits..
Coaching helped me become more alive to my own essence, which is poured into my creative work. I now recognise the importance of connecting with myself, especially when the self-critical voices return.
In Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic, the author talks about making room for fear, insecurity, and self-doubt. She explains that these voices will always be a part of the voices in your head. The key is to welcome them and make room for them, without giving them power. They can be part of the journey, but get to sit at the back, not drive the wheel.
I have grown in my ability to notice and welcome these voices, and recognise that this is an ongoing journey. Noticing my self-talk has enabled me to recognise when the critic is taking over, gently welcoming the voice, and then strengthening what Tara Mohr refers to as the Inner Mentor. Listening to this calm and encouraging voice enables me to do the work, despite voices of fear and criticism.
These limiting beliefs and behavioural patterns still pop up from time to time, and I’m not writing this blog as a monk on a mountain who has transcended all these patterns. Rather, through coaching, I now have a bird’s eye view on what’s going on inside me, and this perspective gives me the power to choose from which state I want to act.
As humans, we are called to be creative. Being creative exists in the inner fibre of our being, whether this is bringing creativity to your work as an accountant, or writing songs. It means living your life in a way that fuels creativity, from the moment you wake up. You can be creative in the way that you cook for your family and they way you listen to your spouse. Creativity means waking up to your way of being – to what makes you feel alive.
I encourage you to listen to that voice that is calling out from deep within, whispering to you. Do not turn away from it. Start by just listening, what is it telling you?
What would have happened if I had not heeded that voice in 2014? What would have happened if I had silenced that voice, suppressed it with all the other ‘important’ tasks that had to be done that day? The story is still being told.
What is one single action you can do to invite more creativity into your life?